Bondage Resources for Denver Couples

I’m going ahead of myself here.  I haven’t written about the wife and I getting into bondage. I also haven’t written about my favorite sex shop, The Crypt (Broadway and Ellison, on the east side of the street).  Expect that later.  This blog post is here to write down some of the local businesses where I’ve gotten good bondage gear, and how to start in with it.

The wife and I are into “medium-light” bondage.  Meaning she likes being tied up and blondfolded, but we haven’t done anything that could be considered dangerous.  We don’t have a safe word, since I consider “no”, “stop” and “don’t” to be equivalent.  We don’t pretend she doesn’t like it, and I never take it further than we’ve already agreed to, so there’s no reason for me to ignore these words.

We started our using a necktie that was out of fashion.  But, it wasn’t long enough to bind her hands, and it was a crappy blindfold.  It would fall off at the simplest touch.  It’s size changed along its length, so it would cover one eye well, but often not the other one.  So, I bought a cheap set of metal handcuffs.  I tried them out on myself and couldn’t stand them!  They cut my wrists, rattled unpleasantly, and felt cold.  I didn’t even introduce them, because I wouldn’t use them even if the wife loved them.  I bought a great set of cuffs from The Crypt.  But, they were difficult to get on and off, overly large and generally uncomfortable.  We played with them for a while, but it was always unsatisfying.

The clerk at The Crypt suggested “Screw the Roses, Buy Me Thorns”.  I’ll write more about it later, but suffice it to say it’s a great book.   Buy Me Thorns has great advice for novice bondagers.

Buy Me Thorns gave me the idea of replacing the cuffs with ropes.  It’s worked out great!  They’re much more comfortable than the cuffs.  With a little practise, I can now bind a lady’s hands in about half the time it takes me to put on the cuffs.  Plus, ropes are much for versatile.  With one 10′ rope, I can bind her hands, her feet, put in a spacer so it’s more of a hobble than a bind, or create a harness for holding vibrators against her clitoris.  And I’m a novice at this.  Plus, 10 feet of rope costs $5.90, plus about 50c or so of colored tape for labeling.  The cuffs were something like $25.

You can find great ropes at the Ace Hardware on Broadway and Alameda, in that shopping center with the Sams Club in it.  They have 3/8″ nylon rope, which is exactly what Buy Me Thorns suggests.  $0.59/ft.  They also have colored plastic tape ($2.69/roll, for preventing frays and for labeling the sizes), and all the hooks and mounting brackets you could need.

I started with 2 6′ ropes, 1 8′, and 1 10′.  I think this was wrong.  The 6′ ropes are really too short for almost anything.  I’d suggest 2 10′, 2 20′ and 1 30′.  I definitely found Buy Me Thorns’ suggestion of color-coding the ends useful.  Even if you like doing the nasty in full light, it’s still very difficult to tell sizes apart.

I introduced the ropes very gently.  I followed Buy Me Thorns’ advice for the real novice.  I simply wrapped them around a post and told my wife not to let go.  After about 2 minutes it was quite obvious she was okay with going further.  Actually, more than okay

For blindfolds, I used a hairtie.  It’s surprisingly good, and surprisingly cheap.  If you can’t find a good substitute, The Crypt has some great blindfolds.  Most are your simple cloth with elastic, which works well for us.  You want something snug enough so it doesn’t come up, but not so snug it hurts.

Both The Crypt and Hot Topic, on the 16th Street Mall, have good sexy clothes to use with bondage.  It’s very difficult to take clothes off after you’ve tied her up, so it’s best to get clothes which expose the dirty parts.  The Crypt and Hot Topic have good selections of corset-type tops and short skirts.  There’s also a bunch of good used clothing stores for those that like to rip the clothes off the sub, but don’t like ruining expensive clothes.

I’ve relied more heavily on the internet for learning knots.  I used to be a Boy Scout, but we spent our time sneaking beer and weed and not learning how to tie knots.  So, sites like http://www.ecstagony.com/eng/info/artbond/knots.htm have been very helpful.  The Crypt advertises a monthly BDSM get together, but I haven’t joined yet.  Frankly, the people I’ve met you are unabashedly into BDSM are kind of assholes.  Just because I like BDSM doesn’t mean I like it with you, okay?

The effect of personal health on my sex life

Anyone who knew me when I was a teenager or young adult would tell you that I don’t workout.  That was true, until I started getting older and had to face the question of how I was to keep from getting fat.  Since I’d had almost no experience with weight control and/or exercise, it took me a while to find things that worked for me.  In the end, I took a combinationof weights and “social cardio”.  By “social cardio”, I mean that I get my cardio by getting out, not by working out.  I bike to and from work.  I walk with the kids.  I take the stairs, park a further way back, and walk anywhere I don’t absolutely need to drive to.  In the end, it’s worked well for me.  But, this  blog post isn’t about how to exercise.  It’s about how exercise has affected my sex life.

People native to Denver know what a fitness-friendly city this is.  Every park has a jogging route, there’s bike paths everywhere, tons of sun, lots of winter activities, good healthy food, and a lot of really fit people.  It’s as good a place to get into shape as any.

Before I got into shape, I considered having sex for 30 minutes to be long and 45 minutes to be a “marathon”.  By the end, I was physically exhausted.  And, I found I was unable to do the positions I liked.  Here’s an example.  When doing missionary, I would lay on top of my wife.  I was unable to support myself because my arms and back were too weak.  I asked and she says I wasn’t hurting her, but I was still lacking the manueverability that I desired.  Since working out, I can now support myself with my arms without tiring myself out.  Even better, I can grip my lady between my arms and actually thrust her against me.  Each thrust can be slow and tantalizing without sacrificing penetration or general manliness.

Here’s another example.  In the past, if we were falling off the bed, I had to exit, get off my lady, and ask her to move.  Now, I can literally pick her up and place her wherever I want, all without exiting her body.  I haven’t quite gotten to the point where I can really change positions without exiting, but I’m working on it.

Since starting my cardio regimen, we have increased the time of our average session.  Now, 20 minutes is “a quicky”, 45 minutes is about standard, an hour is quite common, and we’ve been known to have sex for 2 and a half hours!  And, at the end, instead of being physically exhausted, I’m awake and active.  In fact, I used to roll over and fall asleep, and now I *can’t* fall asleep immediately afterwards.  I make us food, we cuddle, maybe play a litle Wii, smoke a bowl, whatever.  And, usually before going to sleep, I jerk off.  And, in the morning I’m so horny the crack of dawn isn’t safe.

The wife has also lost weight, increased muscle and gotten healthier.  It used to be that she more or less laid there and waited for me to have my way.  Now, her every movement is exaggerated.   Moans are more heartfelt, thrusts are stronger and crisper, everything is better.  She even bites harder, although I’m having trouble explaining how a elliptical trainer makes her jaws stronger.

So, the take-away message here should be “working out makes you better in bed.”  And, it’s not just better for your partner.  It makes sex better for you as well.

Intro to Sex in the Suburbs

Hi, I’m DenverDM.  Obviously, that’s not my real name.  My wife and I moved to Denver about 6 years ago.  We’re a monogamous couple with kids, a house, a company and a life.  Our life doesn’t revolve around sex, and if you were to meet us in the street you probably wouldn’t think we have much of a sex life.  You’d be wrong.  I hear a lot of couples who are unhappy with their sex.  And, I hear a lot of couples who get kind of crazy in bed, but don’t think others do, and they’re embarrassed of their sex lives.  The purpose of this blog is to provide anecdotes of our sex life, to provide good advice for those who’s sex lives are lacking, and to provide comfort and resources to those who are like my wife and I.

A little bit about myself is probably a good idea.  I got the name DenverDM from the city I’m in, which is important because most of my resources are local to Denver, and to the 2 initials in BDSM that apply to me.  I’m a dominant masochist.  Yes…I’m in charge, but I also like being hurt during sex.  This causes a lot of confusion for people who normally associate masochism with being subordinate.  “Take it bitch!  *thwack*”.  That sort of thing.  It turns out, people don’t fit nicely into these sorts of definitions, even me.  I bring this up because it’s entirely possible that you don’t fit nicely into these sorts of definitions.  And that makes you….normal.  Deal with it.

Anyway, in the coming weeks and months, I hope to post stories of how we got here and where we’re going.  Life, marriage, sex, work, kids…they’re all journeys with the only end being the final one.  I hope y’all will post comments and your own experiences.